Friday, April 4, 2008

What Do You Do?

So while in the Dr.'s office today I ran into an acquaintance. I don't know if I would call her a friend, but she shares a child with an extra chromosome just like Rhett.

So in the midst of untangling Rhett from his oxygen cord and his feeding tube, I look up and see her. She looks at me, and says, "Oh my gosh!! Pam!! How are you doing? I didn't even recognize you, but I guess that figures, you have gone through hell lately."


Okay, I admit it, I didn't look my best. I have been taking care of a child recovering from surgery for two weeks, I've had a 5 year old with pneumonia, and I have been running back and forth to therapy appointments, and testing appointments with my 12 year old. Today I was in jeans and a t-shirt, my hair pulled back, minimal makeup, and wearing my glasses. I didn't think I looked that horrible.

I have lost 18 lbs since November, and I felt pretty good about that until today. I just can't believe that she had the audacity to say something like that to me. I am sure she was just trying to be sympathetic, but still, it hurt. Really bad.

You know, I used to have my contacts that I wore so I wasn't always hiding my face behind my glasses, but they cost money, and when I ran out of them it was around Christmas time. Since then I haven't had the time to order them, let alone the money too. I usually go tanning, or at least use the tanning lotion, so I am not so pale, and I used to go get my nails done, and my hair done. But we just don't have the money for me to do things like that for myself anymore. That used to be my me time that I did. Now I am lucky if I get in a bubble bath without being disturbed after 15 minutes because there is some type of tragedy going on in our house.

So my question is, what do you do for you time? How do you take care of yourself, and look semi-decent with no money?

I've got to do something. I feel so frumpy right now, especially after today.

Tomorrow is mine and Andy's 10 year anniversary, and I had hoped to look nice, but just haven't been able to do anything. I know he loves me no matter what I look like, but it's so hard to take any time for myself anymore. Sigh.......


Niksmom said...

Wow, I hope she reads this blog and feels awful! Seriously, I mean, I may THINK that sort of thing but I would NEVER say it to the person in a situation like that...ONLY if they asked.

Um, my biggest things are (1) a good haircut that looks pretty good even if I've not had a chance to shower (yet) that day. (2) Clear nail polish...I put a coat on just a short while before getting ready for bed. (3) a good foundation that gives an even finish and smooths out my skin. I always feel younger/fresher when I have it on. I happen to use Mary Kay and love it. They make a tinted moisturizer that can do double duty so you save a step!

The next time someone has the audacity to say such a hurtful thing...just smile sweetly and say, "Wow, such a lovely,heartfelt compliment. Thanks!" They'll get the message.

Happy Anniversary. You're right, Andy loves you no matter what. Maybe even b/c you aren't shallow and totally wrapped up in houw you look, too! I'm just saying...a good man knows a good woman!

Heather said...

I wish so much I had the perfect words or more than that, the money to spoil you.
Since we are in very, very similar situations I have nothing to offer but this.... you are beautiful inside and out, your children are a reflection of you and they are absolutely beautiful. We spend our days caring for our entire families AND medically fragile children and I think you do a fantastic job. I am sorry your day went the way it did,tomorrow is another day and for that we are grateful. As a mom of six I sure don't get a moment to myself or with my husband, the last time we were away was 8 years ago and we have been out to dinner once this last year, so the advise I have is make just a little time for yourself if you have people you trust for the kids. It can be as simple as a walk, a trip to the book store or a simple trip to coffee where you can sit and people watch. Not very exciting and it doesn't take care of how you feel about yourself but it is all I have to offer right now. Take care, sorry to ramble.

Mayte said...

To tell you the truth, I cut my hair shorter to always be able to blow dry it before I leave home and look half decent.
Congratulations in your 10th Aniversary!

Kaden and Ava's mommy said...

First off, congrats on the 10 years!!!

Next, I wouldn't be so hard on yourself. I think you are beautiful. It is hard to get "me" time with one kid, let alone 4. How I get me time....stay up too late and watch what I want on tv in peace and quiet...I might add that does not help with feeling better about how I look the next morning. If you are proud of yourself (which you should be)don't let others influence how you feel about yourself. Keep your head held high, and your chin are perfect the way you are.

Love, Amy

Anonymous said...

Oh my! That was a very bad thing to say. What are people thinking? I hate it when people tell me, "You look sooooo tired!" Ugh. Especially on a day when I am feeling pretty darn good. Sleep for me is the most important so when I hear that I feel frustrated because I am always trying to get enough sleep. Does not always happen though. I am sure you looked great. I don't know why women say dumb comments like that.

Anonymous said...

Since turning 40-I pride myself in looking as bad as I can to help boost the ego and pride of all the moms I run into...what's funny to me is the big deal most of the women in my neighborhood make "WHEN I DO LOOK GOOD"...and how they oooh and ahhh at how well I "clean up"...leaving me to realize that I do look like HE** warmed over 99% of the time...last nite my husband informed me that I looked pregnant...I am not of course and he ought to know that first hand..but I am 44 1/2 yr. old,frumpy, bloated & over weight(from consuming mass amts. of carbs).. No one has nominated me for the TLC show "What Not to Wear". So, as long as I don't have body odor, greasy hair, I have fresh breath and I am wearing something that isn't too dorky or ill fitting I think I am ready for the runway..but that is just me! I always marvel at the moms who look so pretty-how much time are they spending in front of the mirror on themselves and who is watching over the kiddos?? Look at what a fabulous job you are doing as a mother of four. Jayne in WISCONSIN

Megan said...

I'm sure she didn't mean to make you feel bad. Wrong choice of words that's for sure!! (someone once told me after everything that had happened with Livie that I had really aged and looked old, yeah I didn't appreciate that comment!!)

My beauty tip: Bronzer! I love it, I put allover, it just gives me a nice glow.
And I always hear this, but I am not very good at it....drink lots of water!!
Hope you have a great anniversary!! (:

~Melissa~ said...

That was a pretty insensitive thing to say!

Enjoy your anniversary - don't let her words get you down. I think a nice hair trim/cut does wonders, and a good color of lipgloss :)

Tami Acord-Nelson said...

YOU are a super woman. You have a job that means more than any other job in the world. You have a family that wants you to spend time with them and love them and teach them and show them how to be strong. YOU are amazing, and contacts and designer clothes have NOTHING to do with any of that. You are as beautiful as God intended. Dont buy into the magazine people (they are not real, their plastic! :)
You are in survival mode, dontadd to that the stress of looking like a pageant girl. Your kids and husband want you, not Heidi Klum!
Happy 10th Anniversary!!!
What a ride!!!!
Much Love,
Tami and Thatcher

Anonymous said...


Pamela didn't tell me about the event that happened. I am just reading it now. She had called me Friday and asked if I minded that she keeps her hair pulled back in a hat. I told her that that I really like that look. Me being a red neck and all. Pamela is just a sex and good looking as the day I met her. Love ya a bunch,

Rhett's Big Daddy (Andy Bird)

Sustenance Scout said...

Pam, hope you and Andy have had a terrific anniversary weekend. Pay no mind to the thoughtless; what goes around comes around!

I just noted you and your blog again on my blog. It's always so great to stop by here and see how you're all doing. Hugs from Denver! K.

Mommy to those Special Ks said...

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!! Frank and I celebrate 10 years in December. I'm so sorry that that woman didn't think before she spoke... I know I definitely don't look my best at the hospital... I wish I could give you advice, but I don't know... as long as my kids look good, I just kind of forget about myself. Such is mommyhood I guess! Hang in there!

Chris said...

Happy Anniversary! Don't let what that woman said get to you. She should have thought before she spoke.

Want to feel good? A good haircut always helps, but if you don't have time\money to get to the salon, it sounds like your husband likes the hat you have been sporting :)

My cheap quick ways of feeling pretty-file and polish the nails, moisturize the skin with some fragrant lotion, put on makeup, and wear the sexiest, prettiest, least likely to scream "I'm a Mom!" article of clothing I own. I'm short, so I always put on the high heels when I need a little pick me up.

kristi said...

Hi! I just found your blog. I will be thinking of your family and praying for you all.

By the way, some people can be so RUDE!!