Sunday, May 4, 2008

Just Wondering.....

Why it is that we are damned if we do and damned if we don't. We get crap for Andy not working, then when he does work we get crap for for him working too much, and people thinking there is no way he go from not working to making the amount that he is now.

I had a long rant that I posted earlier on this, but after thinking about it, I decided to delete it. My emotions are running high with all of the stress I am under, and it's just not worth it.

I know that we are doing what's best for our family, and I know that we are going to make it, and get back to where we were before we had our down fall, and that, and the fact that we are a strong family is all that matters.


Anonymous said...

If you're referring to my comment, it wasn't that he should not work two jobs if that is what he wants to do or feel he needs to do. But you said something like $15.00 over. Maybe even an hour or two could be cut back to fall into the income range to get CHIP? It's such a great program and it would be a shame to miss out on it for a couple of dollars. Just thinking of the equation of $15 less income vs. all the dollars' worth of medical benefits that could come your way via CHIP. Good luck working something out re: insurance.

Anna Grace`s Jie Jie said...

I totally agree!! I so don't get it- Praying for your family....

Pam said...


While I must admit that at first when I read your comment, I was a little upset, I do see your point, on cutting back a few hours a week, where Andy is making just a little too much, and you are right, it is a great program.

However, it was not your comment that set me totally off. It was another one that was just down right nasty. One that was promptly deleted.

I must admit that I am really struggling right now, and it is very hard to take any type of critisim, even if it is well meaning and constructive. It's just been one of those weeks.

I do appreciate your thoughts though. I really do, and you are right about cutting back just a little to qualify for CHIP. It makes sense.

Sometimes I just have to sit back and re-think a little to get in the right frame of mind when I am upset about every little thing. :)


Anonymous said...

In the same boat myself, being actually $13 over - per year! Made the decision that cutting just an hour or two of work has to be done - it is just too big a benefit to miss out on. Maybe an employer would understand the need to cut a couple of hours if they understood the circumstances.

Kaden and Ava's mommy said...

I am sorry that people still feel the need to give their negative imput. I am glad that you deleted it. are not living for them and their opion doesn't matter to your life. NOBODY understands what it is like unless they are living the same life. You guys are doing what is best for your situation.

As for the whole insurance thing...I hope something comes along. It seems like everyone has a problem with income guidelines in their own state as well...I know we do. We were lucky enough to get Kaden on a waiver. It seems like there are a lot of people who have good ideas for you...I wish I did.

Take care. Thinking and praying for your family always.


Anonymous said...

This is why I am a stay at home mom. We can not afford to not have Medicaid. The thousands of dollars a month are just not feasible. We survive better with me not working and staying home... than we would if I went back to work.

Any job I had would put us over the income limit. Even just McDonald's. It simply isn't worth losing Medicaid.

I would do whatever you have to do to keep Medicaid. If that means quitting one job, that's what I would do. I wouldn't give up the Medicaid for anything.

My child almost died because we went without insurance for so long... needed tests were not done. It's just not worth the risk to me again.

Ann said...

Praying for you!

Anonymous said...

Just remember, and take this as advice, not an are asking for donations on your fact, it is the first thing many people see. If you ask for donations, people feel they have a right to give advice. Asking for donations means you are not managing your money well, and the people who donate, yes, the smart-ass ones, feel like giving some advice as well. I keep my mouth shut, but have wanted to remark as well, as over the past year, I have seen on your blog a few instances where money could have been better used.

BTW, I am using Anonymous, as I feel my real identity would hurt your feelings.

Michelle said...

To the anonymous person above have no right to tell anyone what to do with their money. If you don't want to donate, don't. Period. Until you are put in a position where you can't survive without help from others you should not be judging.

I will continue to pray for your family. I know all too well how being a few dollars over a month can cause you to lose valuable benefits.

Anonymous said...

Hi Pam: You don't know me, I don't know you but I have grown to care about your family so much in the past few months while following your blog. One of my friends has a heart baby too which is how I got to your site. The important thing to remember is to do what you know is best. You can only do your best, no one can expect you to be perfect. I pray for your family, I hope things will get better real soon.
I think it is great that your husband is willing to work so hard for your family. It shows a lot of character in my opinion.

Heather said...

First, Thank you for your post and remember you are NEVER alone. Second, please!!!! ignore those that speak words with NO forethought as to how it may be received by a person that is emotionally spent. Cruel actually! I truly pray no one will have to endure what some of us live with daily. If these people who post anonymously felt so convicted in the words they publicly post then maybe they should not so cowardly hide behind anonymous. We personally have lost EVERYTHING in the last year and I will not allow people like that (or above) ruin our spirit. Nor should you! AND if those who have posted, and I doubt it, have lived through or are living through what we are, then shame on them!!!

Pam said...

Wow....thank you for the support for those that know what we are going through.

Although it is really not anyone's business about how we spend our money, well, just know that everything that has been donated has either gone to Rhett, as far as buying diapers, and shampoo, and his tender grips that go on his face for his oxygen. THAT IS NOT COVERED BY INSURANCE.

The only other things we have used that money on is utilites, rent or gas.

Even every single item of clothing my children own right now is either bought by my sister or my mom.

How can you not manage money well when EVERY SINGLE PENNY goes to bills.

Oh, I am sorry, one month when we had a little extra, I sent 20.00 to a friend who's little boy was in the hosptial.

Andy and I have not been out, my kids have not been anywhere, unless my sister pays for it. Andy has been to two movies in the last year that his brother paid for.

How in the heck are we not managing our money?

If you have these thoughts, then please, I don't want your money, nor do I want your friendship if you feel like you can come onto my blog and make me feel like crap.

It's not about managing money. We did not even ask for donations until January of this year when Andy lost his job due to back surgery, and we lost our home.

Yes, I have vented about our financial situation over the last year since Rhett was overdosed, and we lost everything.

From January of last year we depleted all of our savings, Andy's 401K, His stocks from his previous employer, and any extra money that we had, just to pay bills. Had we mis-managed our money, we would not have survived for almost a year on less than 700.00 a month.

Just because we went through a rough patch does not mean that we go and blow money that has been so graciously donated to us on things that are not needed.

Things are looking up for us. Even though it is going to be rough until July when we get insurance through Andy's work, we will get through it. Why? Because we do know how to manage our money, and we do know how to make a dollar stretch.

All through out this whole thing Andy has worked side jobs, to make everything meet, even at his worst times.

When things get better for us, we will forever be paying it forward. I know that that time is coming soon.

If you have issues with me, go ahead and email me with your true name, and sort it out, Maybe you would like to come walk a day in our shoes and see what we go through and how our money is spent.

Don't go hiding thinking you are sparing me hurt feelings. I am emotionally and physically drained right now. Even Andy telling me to do something a different way than what I am doing is sending me into a spiral of tears.

I am doing everything on my own 24/7. EVERYTHING. NO HELP. I don't need you jumping on here and making my kids wonder what you mean, when they know and they are the ones who are suffering through all of this, knowing that every penny goes towards bills. They are the ones who didn't get to play baseball and soccer this year because all of our money goes to bills.

They are the ones who are learning first hand how to save money, and that bills come before anything else. They are the ones who are learning that having just a game night with mom and dad can be more fun than going and blowing a bunch of money at a fun center.

They are the ones who have been so amazing through this, and so understanding that I couldn't ask for better children.

How can I not take that as an attack. I'm sorry, but I just can't. Not right now. Not when I know that is a blatant lie.

Now I am going to go crawl under my covers and finish crying.

Emily said...

Pam, I am sorry that some of the comments have caused hurt. I am honestly and truly amazed at how you guys deal with all the things that have come your way and the love you have for that adorable little guy of yours. I wish nothing but the best for your family.

By the way, I have a bunch of tender-grips left over from when Macy was on oxygen that I would love to send to you if you need them. Please email me your address and I will send them right away!

Anonymous said...

Anyone that must hide behind the veil of anonymous, while making such harshly personal comments is a coward Pam.

Don't you dare let that person get to you. It sounds like who ever it is knows you in real life. Think long and hard and that person will unveil themselves.

If I were you I'd delete all their comments. No one comes to read your blog to watch someone else cut you down and judge you. Ahem, whose job is it to judge anyway?

Certainly not anyone reading your blog. Sometimes when people think they are being helpful by this sort of thing the real issue is that they have way too many long weeds growing in their own backyard.

Delete the comments Pam, believe me, you will.

Sarah said...

I'll never get how people can live with themselves when they leave nasty comments, esp when they know the person.

If you need any oxygen supplies including tendergrips please let me know, I have a ton, and they don't cost me a dime.

Kei said...

Hugs, Pam, hugs.
I remember when Robert & I first started out together, counting every penny, going to the grocery store with X amount of $, and adding everything as we put it in the cart. When we got to the limit of money we had, we reassessed what was in our cart to decide whether to put something back or not. Going to the food panty every other week just so we could feed the kids, making sure the kids had what they needed first and dividing the last serving between Robert & I. Getting turned down for food stamps because we made just a little too much. It was tough, but we made it through and so will you, because you know how to survive and you are living right.

And to take $20 to send to a friend in need for their family surely meant that you had to go without something you probably needed, but you know what? That was the truest act of charity and selflessness. To be admired, not criticized.

Hugs, friend.

Kyle, Aimee & Ava said...

Pam, until someone has walked in your shoes, they have no right to judge. Just remember, you and your family are in so many thoughts and prayers right now. It's obvious that if they have to post as anonymous, they are embarrassed by their own comments!Go ahead and delete them and not look back!

Childlife said...

Pam -- I wish I could just wave those horrible anonymous comments away and make it so that they were never said. I wish it would help to say to you to just ignore them, but I know it doesn't take away the hurt. I know because I've had similar things said to my family.

The comment that "asking for donations means you are not managing your money well" is completely absurd and off base. That comment comes from someone who has never lived through anything like this and is making outside judgments based on unfair observations. Write them off as well-meaning by ignorant. Like the sort of person that tells you if you just put your kid on these fabulous dietary supplements they saw on an info-mercial,they would be cured if everything. They just don't have a clue.

I know that my telling you this doesn't make the hurt go away, but I hope it helps you to know that there are some of us who understand, who get it. Some of us really see what an incredibly good job you and your husband are doing keeping your lovely little family afloat. And there is nothing wrong -- NOTHING, with asking for help.

You are amazing, your husband's amazing, your kids are amazing. Dry those tears and hold your head high. I know what your shoes feel like and you're doing a fine job. And you're going to be OK.

Much Love,

Michelle @ In The Life Of A Child

Anonymous said...

Carol says
I am sorry that people left you such nasty comets. If they do not want to donate then they do not have to. You can spend your money the way you want to. I know how hard it is to have very little money. A few times we were do to our last few dollars. We almost quilify for the free lunches and that stuff. I hope that Rhett is feeling better. Right after Abigail had her open heart surgery the hospital called me in her room telling me she was not insured. That was after 5 weeks in the NIUC and another 2 in the PIUC. The person at my husbands work didn't put the paper work thru. Luckly it was straiten out. I am sorry people left you those commets. That one reason I am afraid to start a Blogg Carol&Abigail

Anonymous said...

I can imagine you guys are so stressed and sooo tired right now that it would be hard to read comments that are giving any kind of advice. I know I get really tired of advice when so many people just can not comprehend what is going on. You know? Try to ignore them. Easier said than done. If I even see a first line is negative I don't read it all and I never post negative comments. I delete them immediately and don't give it a second thought. People who are into lecturing and giving advice quickly move on and are bored with me. Hugs and prayers.

carolyn q said...

It breaks my heart that you are getting chastised for how you are doing things. Considering the emotions involved and the fact you not only have Rhett to think about, but 3 other children that need you. . .I think you are doing amazingly well.
We are all different and no person wil make the same decisions or do the same thing as another given options. That's what makes us all individuals and wonderful.
I know on the flip side I was chastised for going back to work when Hope was 6 weeks old for her to only unexpectantly pass away at 4 1/2 months old. Those that chastised me felt I should have quilt my job and spent all of that precious time with her. However the cost of having a heart baby is outrageous even for a family that only has one special needs child and so I went back to work to continue to give her the wonderful health coverage that I got through my work. Scott and I had worked it out for us so when one was working the other was with her and vis-vera. Does it pain me now that I missed precious time with her. . .NO, did she love me any less, NO. I did what I needed to do at the time.
Just like you, you are doing with what you can and just remember there isn't a one size fit all any to any of this.

Kari said...

Pam I didn't read all the comments because I was getting really upset and frustrated and just UGH! I know nothing about insurance as everything is different here in Canada where healthcare is for everyone. Rich or poor. I count my blessings I am Canadian because I can't imagine what the hospital bills would be like if I lived over there in the USA! But let me tell you if I needed help to pay these bills I doubt that I would agree that people should be allowed to kick me when I am down and be rotten to me!! DONATIONS OR NOT!!! *SIGH Anyway Hun sending all my luv and prayers and hugs your way!!

Anonymous said...

Hello, I do not know you or your family and I am very far from you (oklahoma) I discovered your blog through a chain link of others. Evertime I happen on a new one my heart breaks all over again. I am amazed by your strength and faith. You have an amazing family and a tremendous circle of love and support. I can't imagine what you are going through. I have a 1yr. old and every day I look at her in awe. I never thought I would have a baby after loosing 3 pregnancies in a year's time (1 in a very traumatic way) I never thought about the "what ifs" of having to help your child overcome and go through so much in their little young life. I am truely inspired and in awe of you. My faith is strengthened just by witnessing yours. I'm praying dilegently for you and your family.
Lots of love from Oklahoma,
p.s. I sure hope those who are quick to judge and critize do not live in glass houses!