Tuesday, December 30, 2008

It's Okay to Cry....

Today has gone from bad to worse. It's just been stupid things, but sometimes I feel like I handle the major things so well that when the little ones start building up I loose it over something stupid.

I started out this morning with Rhett needing a bath due to his poopie issues. Now I'm not going to complain to much about the poopies, because all around he is feeling much better. We even snuck into the mall for about a half an hour this afternoon.

Anyhow after I got him bathed I came down and stepped in a rather large puddle. The dog had peed all over the kitchen floor. See she got pregnant by the neighborhood pimp that roams the neighborhood. Somehow he got into our backyard and did his duties with our dog. I wish I knew who this dog belonged to because if I did his owners would be getting these puppies as soon as they are weaned from mommy. Long story short she is a hound that is bigger than Rhett and she lives in the Kitchen during the winter and when she pees she makes big puddles. She doesn't pee very often, but she is the size of a house and due any day now so I can only imagine her need to urinate.

Did I ever tell you about the time I peed on Andy when I was 9 months pregnant with Hunter? Yeah, funny story there......

So then after I mopped up the pee, and changed my pants, (because you know, I am super short and ALL of my pant legs drag on the floor, especially if I don't have shoes on), I went up to do my hair and make up only to find that SOMEONE had thrown my brush and foundation into the toilet.

Okay, problem fixed, just throw a hat on and who gives a crap if the world sees all of my zits. I am beyond trying ot impress anyone.

THEN after getting everyone dressed and ready to head out the door, Rhett poops again. So I hurry and change him, during which he decides to kick his shoes into his poop, and I end up having to clean up those as well as his butt.

So I load Chloee and Rhett into the truck and start to pull out. I realize that neighborhood pimpy dog is behind my truck and will not move. I have to get out, grab him by his collar and pull him up onto our lawn. This dog is a husky, and is as big as our hound if not bigger. I tell him to move his ass or I'm sending him to the dog food factory. Chloee is screaming at me, "No mommy!! Don't do it!!"


So I hop back in the truck and by now I have just enough time to get up to the hospital for Rhett's swallow study. Remember the hospital is over an hour away on a good day with no traffic.

I get up past the point of the mountain, which puts me at the halfway point and traffic just stops. I sit in traffic for 25 min and only move maybe a mile if that. I can see that I am not going anywhere fast. So I call radiology and ask them if I can still come up or if we are going to have to reschedule. Of course since the speech therapists have to be involved we have to reschedule.

I get off on the next exit that I can. Then a light kicks in in my brain. Hey I am really close to the Mayan. Which is a fabulous restaurant where men in loincloths jump off of cliffs into a pool, and (lest you all think I am a sicko that takes my kids to pornographic restaurants), it's fun for the kids too because it's like a jungle theme.

I pull in thinking the day is already shaping up, (I mean, who doesn't want to see guys with six packs walking around in loincloths?) so I get Rhett out put him in his chair, haul Chloee out and walk up to the door. They are now closed for lunch.


So we ended up driving back to Orem and eating at the Spaghetti Factory. It was the only place I could think of that had Macaroni and Cheese besides the Mayan, and Rhett kept asking for "oodles" which means Mac N Cheese.

We walked around the mall for a little bit and threw pennies in the fountain. Rhett loves to do that,

Then we got home and I took one look at my house and started to bawl. See I have been home for over a week now. Then only time I have gone anywhere was yesterday when I ran to Wal-mart for a few things. I didn't realize how trashed my house is.
I have so much to do, and so much to get rid of, and I don't have the time or the energy to do it on my own.

Rhett looked at me, and put his chubby little hand on my face and said, "Mommy. Cry. OKAY!!!" So I guess he was telling me it's okay to cry.

I feel alot better now, and maybe just maybe, I can tackle what I need to. Or at least some of it.


connie said...

Your blog is so much fun to read! I "think" I found it through McMama's blog, but not really sure, because I probably can't retrace my steps, now. Anyway, it was fun reading some of your posts today .. hope Rhett is feeling well soon. He's adorable!

connie said...

Silly me ... it was McMama. And it wasn't hard to back-track, at all!

Anonymous said...

It's totally okay to cry, sometimes, crying even makes things a teensy bit better, sometimes.


I mean geez, even just getting yourself all ready to see loin cloth clad cliff divers, only to be shot down is enough of a reason to cry ;).

I'm glad you were able to reschedule Rhetts swallow study, with my DDs swallow study, it was scheduled almost two months in advance, and that was only because has *just* canceled for that slot... Hopefully tomorrow is a better day, and the new year even better! :D


Proctor family said...

sounds like some days I have had lately. Tim who is 14 and not potty trained has ulcertive colitis this is a very bad disease that causes diarrhea all the time. well I like you am so sick of poop. last night I got him to the bathroom on time but when I got him off poop everywhere I managed to get him in the shower and I looked down to see that I had stepped in some nice! I shower him get him out and yep, more poop. how much can one kid poop? and if it isn't tim it is my house dog pooping or throwing up in her crate lots of fun and always when I am trying to go somewhere. by the way you look really good today at the mall I wish I looked good in a hat but I don't. I wonder why the mayan was closed? I hope you have a happy new year.

Aimee said...

It's totally ok to cry. I felt like crying a little myself today. I wish I would have known you were in the Mall, I was there too...

Oh and I am SOOOO excited about you having a new camera. I am green with envy! Let me know if you start doing a little photography on the side. Loves...

Leah Spring said...

Note to self: Spay the dog or she doesn't go outside unsupervised when she's in heat! I know exactly how difficult this is, but it's 100% necessary, right? Now you have more puppies to feed and vet bills to pay. Yep, neighbors need to watch the pimp dog. No excuses for them! But when you have an intact female, you're just as responsible, doesn't matter that she was on your property. Dogs can't see property lines. We all know unplanned litters are what keep the pounds in business. Glad you were able to get the swallow study rescheduled though, What a pita, that's for sure! I have to reschedule an OT assessment that's been scheduled for months, and is supposed to be tomorrow, but we're sick here, so it's not happening. Then there are the new medical issues we're dealing with that have been hiding under the surface for months and are now showing their ugly selves!

Chris said...

It is okay to cry. It's not a sign of weakness but I think it just shows your true strength. You are an amazing mother and you are telling an amazing story here.

datri said...

When it rains, it pours doesn't it?

Hope you have a better day today.

And I always cry in the shower -- assuming I can get around to taking one, LOL.

Carey said...

Okay, I'm still stuck at the part where you went upstairs to do your hair and make-up ... and how my dear do you restrain Rhett during this time. Cuz if you've got a secret I want to know!!!! Yeah, I've got somebody at my feet, 24/7, and if she's not at my feet, I'm following her around and trying to keep her out of trouble!!!

Seriously though, yeah, that pretty much sucks, and sounds like a day in my life, well except for the dog pee thing. I prefer stepping in the poop out in the yard and then tracking it all through the freshly cleaned floor before realizing it's there. You're not alone my dear.

Carey said...

Oh, and I forgot to even mention Chelsea sticking her foot in the toilet yesterday morning while we were trying to get out the door. Oh so helpful big brother put her toilet seat on and was telling her to get on. So, we got to have an impromptu bath also!

Anonymous said...

It's ok to try! I had a good cry myself last night! HUGS!

Anonymous said...

Pam--poor mama!!

I'm sorry that you had such a rough day!!

Go snuggle with Rhett. I'm sure he'll make you feel much better.:)


Mom24 said...

Totally cry. Sometimes I can't move forward until I do.

Just a question, honestly not being judgemental, but is there any way you can have your animals fixed? It would stress me out having to worry about puppies.

MichelleH said...

Rhett's a smart boy, Mommy! It IS ok to cry!!!! Hugs to you all! Wishing you all good health and continued happiness in the New Year!


Lacey said...

Who would't want to see guys in loin clothes? Sorry you had a bad day, its always good to have a long cry once and a while. Lacey and Jax

My Three Sons said...

Wow, sounds like my days. I thought I wrote this. I wanted to go to church last Sunday because I haven't gone in weeks an I was crying because Charlie shows up at my house late. So he thinks he is being nice and tells me to go walk around the mall. I started crying again and told him that I was insulted because I'm going to walk around the mall when I have no money to buy anything. So yes, I'm having my crying moments as well (daily). Hang in there. Maybe you can bribe the kiddos to help you straighten up a little.

Hope you have a good New Years.



Pam said...

Hey ladies....just to let you know...we took Princess in to get her spayed and thats how we found out she was pregnant. DOH!!!

We had no idea that she had even gone into heat, and what was even more baffling was that our back yard has a 6 ft fence. But apparently Neighborhood Pimp, can climb the chain link gate.

We have since caught him in there at least 4 times.

So yeah, as soon as she has these pups she is getting fixed. We also have some buyers already too. WHEW!!

But you're right I sooooo don't need to deal with puppies right now. I can think of sooo many other things to do with my life....

Boo!! ;)

DTanner said...

My kids messing the house up after I clean it makes me want to cry... let alone dealing with any of the other stuff. I am sorry. Call me if you need anything!Enjoy your poker night!

Melissa said...

I love you! :)

We'd have so much fun if we lived closer together; I just stepped in some cat poop in the basement the other day and slid about 5 feet across the floor...nasty. You'd think I would remember it was there on my return trip. Nope...did it again.

And Garrett threw a bar of soap in the toilet yesterday. And clobbered Braeden over the head with a remote. And pushed him backwards off of a drum.

My house is also a disaster. I have 2 huge bags of garbage in the kitchen that I have nowhere to put. My bedroom floor is covered with clothes. I haven't folded in 2 weeks. I can't even find a pair of pants for Thomas today!

Hang in there. Now I have to get Braeden out of the tree!

Emily said...

So sweet of Rhett... he is looking mighty cute (and bug!) these days!
I know what you mean about handling the big stuff but then the little stuff knocks the wind out of you.

I hope you had a great Christmas!
And I'm sending you lots of hope and wishes for a great 2009.

Becca said...

Wow, what a day. Rhett is such a sweet and wise little boy (except when he's throwing your makeup in the toilet...). Hugs from me and Samantha!

Pam said...

Gah!! Leah, I accidentally rejected your comment instead of publishing it.

I don't know how we missed it.

But I can tell you that I was LMAO about the image of the dogs doing it though the fence.

WOW that was funny. I kept thinking of Andy and his "needs". ;)

Okay, laughing...I am done now.....

Leah Spring said...

That's ok, I'll repost my comment since it's good for others to see to. Basically, how in the WORLD do you not know a dog is in heat? You said she's in the kitchen during the cold months. She would have been dripping blood every time she got up off the floor, or went to sit down, or pretty much any time she moved around! That, and the fact she'd would have been licking herself constantly trying to keep herself clean. Well, and then there is the flagging she would have done anytime anyone walked by her. If she was in your kitchen, I don't see how anyone could miss a dog in heat. Where does the "responsible dog ownership" come in? Anyway, how are you going to afford shots for the puppies? What about vet care for the mother? How will you feed the puppies when they're ready to start solid foods? If it were me, I'd be calling a rescue now, and asking them to take the dog. A HUGE EXPENSE you won't have, and certainly can't afford to worry about. Gee, I hope this response doesn't get deleted too. Seems only those who call you on the carpet about something do. This is good education for your blog readers on too, on several different levels.

Niksmom said...

Wow, Leah, clearly you don't remember the days of having multiple children under foot, being sick, being stressed, having a child with significant medical and pecial needs, your house about to be taken away...

Real class act to kick a gal when she's down.

Pam said...

You know Leah, we all have the right to disagree. I did not intentionally delelte your comment. It was deleted with an anonymous one that was super nice and that I would have loved to post on here from a new reader. I checked the little boxes, then you click on the button either publish or reject. Since I had a wriggly three year old on my lap it got deleted.

You have "called me on the carpet" about our dogs more than once . The only other one I deleted was an anonymous one from you. I have put all of your other comments on.

Yes you are a dog lover, I can see that. My personal opinion is that you are a tad bit of an obsessive one as well. But I do not hold that against you. I think it's great.

Princess never bled one bit when she had this heat. Not once. Yes we missed it. We love our dogs and we are sad to have to get rid of them.

We didn't plan for our lives to be like this, we planned for the future to be bright and to have our own home. If we had the time we would be finding a place to let us keep our animals. But our home goes up for auction on the 1st monday in march. We have to find something that is in our price range.

We are not just throwing our dogs out on the street. If you had read my blog you would see that I posted that Princess is going to join her brother on a huge farm with our family members. Pups and all.

She will still be our dog, and we will still pay for her the pups shots, and any other things that she needs. This is why we are moving into a cheaper place and downsizing our sq footage by over half.

We aren't just getting rid of animals, we are getting rid of nearly everything we own.

I do not delete those that call me on the carpet unless it is something so silly and mean that it is not worth addressing.

See I think your whole dog campagin is certinaly worth addressing. Yes there are people who are out there and don't take care of their animals. But I can think of a million things worse than our dog getting pregnant while being fenced in in our back yard.

See she wasn't in the kitchen all the time when she was in heat now that I think about it. Our cold weather didn't hit till about 3 weeks ago. Up till then she was in the back yard.

I feel like with these comments that you are making us out to be these horrible dog owners when we aren't. We are just an average american family who loves to snuggle with our dog and take her for walks and love on her.

We didn't spay her to begin with because when we got her we promised Andy's uncle that we wouldn't so he could breed her with his other hounds.

Yes, I guess we are people who hook up with farmer joe down the street so that we can have puppies.

But the economy got bad, and the hunters in our area have cut down on buying hounds. So that is why we decided to spay her.

WE were responisble whether you agree or not. The ass that lets his dog roam free without being neutured is NOT responsible.

That's the way we see it and no amount of badgering me over this subject will change our minds.

I'm sorry but that is just the way it is.

Yes we have had many money issues due to Rhett's medical bills. But things are looking up. He now has insurance and we are able to pay a little more on his past bills as well as take care of some of our other obligations.

I could get on my soapbox about the many people out there who have gone into debt way over their heads instead of saving and paying cash for things, but I won't. They are a huge reason for our economy crashing.

But people do the things that they feel they need to do. It's not my area to judge them. Plain and simple.

We have zero debt other than medical bills. That's the way life should be.

Sorry if I offended you, but I am super tired of this subject.

Kei said...

Aww, Pam. (HUGS) You really shouldn't have to address it repeatedly when someone gets in your space like that. I realize you're being courteous and all, but really, they should have the courtesy to at least go back and read previous posts to find out more about you & your family. Me? I'd have just plain deleted their comments each time.... and the hell with offending them. :D Guess you're better at turning the other cheek than I am. Seriously though, I cannot tell you how many times I've happened upon someone's blog and felt the need to comment, but refrained because: a)I really don't know them, b)I'm not in their shoes, and c)My momma taught me if I couldn't say anything nice, I should keep it to myself... oh wait, doesn't it say the same as c) on your 'leave your comment'? hmmmm

Hugs girl~

The Hopeful Elephant said...

When I adopted my son, I didn't know he was born full of cocaine and would have CP, a feeding tube, and not be able to speak. Should I have given him back? Or asked someone else to take care of him? No one knows what life is going to give them when God hands you a special needs child. The bills come, and you don't know what to do. You didn't anticipate having one child cost $500,000 in ONE year! Life isn't easy...don't cast stones. Pam, send us a puppy! (just kidding---that is really the LAST thing I need, but I would to help you if you really needed it....)
Rhett is always in our prayers. Always. You too.

momtojesse said...

Pam, first of all hugs to you and props to you for all you do to sacrifice for your family. As far as that comment, well I guess I should take Kei's advice and keep my mouth shut cuz I have nothing nice to say about that comment. Some people just don't know when to shut up. I have followed your posts along with Andy's and the kids. I just can't believe some people think they are so great that they can leave comments like that. Give Rhett a big hug for us. Hopefully sometime I can give him a hug myself. I really hope you guys can get out here if you are still trying for that. Happy New Year to you guys! I hope this year is better for you than last year.

Teddybear said...

WOW Pam, a good cry oh yes by all means. What a day, my prayers will continue as you and your family continue to go forward. Love Deb.

Leah Spring said...

Pam, I'm not trying to kick you when you're down. I just wonder how the same mistakes keep getting made over and over again. Yes, I TOTALLY remember having multiple kids in the house, one who was very ill. (When Angela was Rhett's age, she was having the same issues, and we almost lost her several times, INCLUDING an overdose of phenobarbital that, at that time, was used to sedate her for one of her countless MRI's. That overdoes landed her on a vent for a month) plus dealing with pets, etc. We certainly made our mistakes, as everyone does. But most of the time we learned from those mistakes. I've followed your blog for quite some time, and as a reader its very frustrating to see the constant scramble for money, yet the purchases of things you just can't afford..like pets. Everyone knows there is no such thing as a "free" pet. They have to be fed, need vet care, toys, and, something that many of us don't have right now...TIME! It's almost as hard to come by as money is. I don't think I'm obsessive about my dogs. You see, I do a lot of rescue work as well, and ALL of the dogs we get come from homes where people didn't have the time to do what needed to be done. Or quickly discovered having even one pet is far more expensive than they thought it would be. I see it every day, and nearly ever day I get calls from a local rescue asking if I can take "just one more dog" for all the same reasons. Or, the email I got from some stranger the other day asking if I would give her free dog training because they just don't have the time or money to invest into teaching their dog to behave. WHAT??? It just takes one illness or injury for a pet to throw a family for a financial loop. I don't know how people can justify paying for pet food when they have medical bills piling up left and right. There is a season for everything, and sometimes now isn't the season. And yes, I have 'been there" before. I've been through financial ruin TWICE. Lost my home, my car, everything I had. Lived off the food shelf for months while the kids and I tried to get back on our feet, all while Angela was seriously ill and fighting for her life (and her dad seemingly fell off the face of the earth.) So yeah, I'll drop the topic. You're having to rehome the dogs, which is sad for the kids and for you, but ultimately better for them and you,

coffeemomof2 said...

Well I must say Leah you must be right up there with God the way you go on. You must think you HAVE to get the last word. Sorry Pam, I could take her attacking you and your family.
Hugs to you for all that you do. You do a great job!.

momtojesse said...

Well Leah it seems to me that you need to stop talking about situations you know nothing about, and stop trying to say you've been through what they've been through. You need to get off your high horse and just shut up. It's amazing that you can talk so much crap. Just let it go and don't waste anyone's time with your garbage.
Pam, you are great and I admire all you've done to help your family. Hugs to you all.
Oh and I really wanted to say more, but I know the kids read the comments. lol

Pam said...

Okay one last thing and I am totally done with this.

Had we not gotten the pets that we have, Andy would still be in a depression and not able to get up out of bed in the mornings.

I do not regret it, nor do I think it's wrong. No amount of telling me how rotten we are for putting money towards pets vs medical bills will change that.


We have so many medical bills, and we put money towards them every month.

No, we don't pay the full balance like the hospital asks us to, but we DO pay them.

I have my husband back because we have animals. You absoutley cannot put a price on that. Period.

The dogs are not being rehomed, they are going to a temporary home where we will still see them all the time, and where we will still be taking care of them. Yup, that means we are still going to be paying for their food and care.

None of these things that we have done with our animals were "mistakes" made over and over.

Sorry but our animals are so loved and for the emotional stability that having pets has brought to my family? That is priceless.

Just because I don't think the same way you do does not mean that we are wrong.

We cut back on other things so that we could have our pets so that Andy had something to do rather than sit at home and think about things that were out of his control.

Everything that we have put into our pets has been earned back in the selling of babies, and trades for services and food.

We are so close to opening our pet store, and had we not started on this journey of buying animals, we wouldn't have the pets to start the pet store with.

We are constantly buying and selling reptiles. Why haven't you freaked out about that?

They have feelings too...just no fur.

There is no difference if you really sit down and think about it.

We have a pet business, and it's what we do. With everything we make doing the reptile expos, our pets do not cost us anything in the long run, including the dogs.

As soon as we get our store front going in the next few months we will even be making more than just above breaking even.

It's Andy's dream, and I WILL NOT take that away from him. Ever.