Courage............

Jennifer over at Pinwheels ( http://jennifergrafgroneberg.wordpress.com/ ) has nominated me with the Courageous Blogger Award. Here is what she had to say......

"And now I’m sharing this award with a woman of real courage. She’s a wife and a mother and a friend, who six months ago, took her sweet little boy into the PICU for a relatively routine procedure. While there, the hospital gave her child a near-fatal overdose of painkillers, and her son, and her family, have been struggling to recover ever since.
Throughout, she has remained strong, and kind, and thoughtful of others (I think she even said a prayer for the nurse who administered the overdose). She is an inspiration to me, and to read more about Pam, go to Rhett’s Journey."

This is such an honor, not only to get the award, but because Jennifer was the one who nominated me for it. Jennifer is a writer, and an amazing mother and wife. I think of her as a very dear friend who has helped me through alot.

If it is anything I have NOT felt throughout this journey it is courageous. Some days I feel like an awful person for being angry that Rhett had to go through everything that he did. On Monday Andy lost his job again, and I went once again to God asking Him why everything keeps happening to us. If it were not for Rhett being overdosed, Andy would not have lost that first job to begin with. Now we are back at square one wondering how we are going to provide for our children. It will work out, it always does. But it would be nice if it were a little less stressfull.

I am so lucky to have Rhett still with me. Over the last 6 months I have been asking God to help me find a way for my heart to heal from the anger and hurt that I still carried. It came in a way that I have never imagined. Although I have forgiven the nurse for what she did to Rhett, I still could not forgive the mistake.

Last week I received an email from one of Andy's former co-workers wife. They had just lost their second child a few weeks prior to her writing me. He was 10 weeks old. She gave me the link to his Caring Bridge site. I spent the majority of last Saturday reading it over and over again. Their son had a rare genetic condition that allows for a very short life span. They had been up at Primary Children's Hospital and were talking about a nurse who had been so caring and wonderful, and who had even been in touch with them a few times after their son had gone home.

As I was reading that, I just knew and then as I read on, she thanked her by name. As I sat there and read this name over and over I had many mixed emotions. I have always been afraid that this nurse would hurt somebody else's child. But all of the sudden it hit me. Right now she is probably one of the most vigilant, caring, and compassionate nurses up at that hospital.

While some may think of me as courageous for the way I have dealt with things, well.....I would think of it more as a survival instinct. Just getting through life on a day to day basis, doing the best that I can. I don't think I could have gotten through any of this without my dear friends from the Trisomy 21 online community........and Jennifer of course.

Now I am going to nominate Jan from Mauzy's Musings.

( http://mauzysmusings.blogspot.com/ ) I really need to learn how to just put the name in so you can just click on that instead of the whole link!!!

Anyways, Jan is a true friend, and is always there when I need her. She is a wonderful advocate for her son Nash, who just entered the first grade. When I first got on the Internet, and started researching Down Syndrome, I ran across a video that Jan had made for a fathers day gift for her husband. It showed the most wonderful pictures of Nash and his daddy. After watching that, it was then that I realized that Rhett was going to be just like any other little boy. She also has helped me by lifting me up when I am feeling down. Thank you Jan, for helping me through the rough times, and being a true friend. You are one of the most courageous people I know.