Monday, September 8, 2008

Ever Feel Like You Have Totally Lost Who You Are?

That's the way I feel right now. It's not really that I am unhappy, I just feel downright rotten. I ran out of my Celexa last week and we haven't been able to fill the prescription. (Darn no insurance junk again.) Since I have missed doses I just feel lost.

Not only that but I am having what I am calling brain zaps. Let me try to explain it to you. It feels like licking a 9 volt battery, but it's in my brain, and without pain. If I close my eyes too fast, or turn my head I get these jolts. Sometimes but not always it is accompanied by bouts of nausea or a Vertigo type feeling. Dizzy, icky, you know, the works.

I also can't think straight, and my body just feels like poo.

It happens more when I am anxious than anything, and yes I do have anxiety attacks. I have Clonzepam to take, and I can get this at Wal-mart with out insurance for 4.00, no big deal. But the thing with Clonzepam is that it makes me super sleepy, and I can't function. Not that I feel like I am functioning right anyways but you get the picture.

So yes, I feel like I have lost who I am. I need the prescription refilled, but there are no refills, and that will cause a trip to the Dr. Then I have to come up with the money for the pills. Since Andy's check was next to nothing due to car sales declining, and our house payment is due, that equals no moo-la, so I am just going to have to deal with everything.

Making sure Dakota has his meds, and that we have food on the table is much more important.

Right now I am struggling with the fact that I need a break and a two hour nap, and it's not coming. Poor Rhett probably thinks his name has been changed to "No" and "Don't Touch That."

To top it all off I had a horrible experience in the grocery store on Saturday night where some teenage girls said some awful things about Rhett. I don't want to go into details because I don't want to relive it again.

In all reality I am happy. We are happy. Things are going well, we just have some minor bumps and I am licking 9 volt batteries in my head. ;) No worries right?


sarah said...

??????????????? What does that mean???:)))

Pam said...

HA! Rhett had hit the publish post button before I was done....Again his name is "No" and "Don't Touch" right now!!

I had to go back and edit it and repost it.

Sorry for confusing you!!


Anonymous said...

Sorry you are out of medicine!! Call the dr and see if you can get atleast a month refill since you cant afford to go in. They really dont want patients to stop takign meds like that cold turkey. Celexa should be $4 too at walmart.


Amie said...

I'm sorry about your experience in the store. How awful. I had a couple similar experiences with Brody. I'm not nice about it though. I get real snotty with people and sometimes swear. Nobody treats my extra special kid like that and gets away with it. I know you know what I mean. :)Our thoughts and prayers are always with you! And if I'm ever in Payson, I'll have to look you up. Same for you if you are ever in Salina.

Anonymous said...

You should be able to have the pharmacy call the dr to order refills, w/o a actual dr visit, and celexa is on the $4 med list from walmart. I completely understand the brain zaps (but I never linked them to anything, esp not being on my meds) and I completely understand feeling lost off of medications, I've been off of mine for a few months, and will have to continue without my precious anti-depressant d/t being pregnant, again, with my baby being only 7 months old.

I'm really sorry to hear about how mean teenagers are, I know I hated high school because of that.

I hope you're able to get things straightened out, and can get back on your meds, and feeling better again soon!

I'm not sure if you have one of the lists, but here is a link to the PDF of walmart $4 meds.


Mommaof2 said...

Okay, silly teenagers! How cruel kids can be:0( Just so you know, I think that Rhett is BEAUTIFUL!! It may sound crazy, but I stare at Down's kids, too. I stare because I just can't take my eyes off them! They are just so beautiful to me... so sweet, innocent & pure!

Hope you are able to get rid of those 'zaps' soon & are back to feeling yourself!

Sending big hugs!!
Tina & Vaeh:0)

Pam said...

Thank you so much for the info, I didn't think Celexa was one of the meds on the list, but YAY!! It is!!!

I also called them to see if they would fax the Dr. and they said I still had one refill left, so hopefully that will give me time to get into the Dr.

Thanks for helping me sort it out....things just were not working right and I was in such a fog, I couldn't think!!

Hopefully the side effects will be gone soon!!!

StephthefutrRxDr said...

I understand what you mean about not having your medicine. I lurk here often, but rarely post, but this time I wanted to. Do you get the generic from of celexa which is citalopram? It is available at Kroger for $4. I've been on Paxil since I was 14, but use the generic form which is paroxetine. I'm in pharmacy school and they are identical to the brand names, just without the price. I honestly couldn't function w/o my medicine. Also if you take 20 mg you could get ur doc to write a script for the 40 mg and cut them in half, so you'd be paying $4 for 60 tablets and they'd last even longer, well good luck and I completely understand how you feel about not having ur celexa. :) email is

Anonymous said...

I'm so glad you're getting your meds taken care of! I really hope it kicks in really soon, and you start to feel better! (((Huge hugs!)))


summergibbs said...

I can't believe that anyone would say anything negative about Rhett. He is the cutest little boy and he has the biggest heart. Sometimes just looking at his pictures in your posts just makes me want to hug him so tight. Someday those girls will realize that he is actually one of our Heavenly Father's most choice spirits. Hang in're doing a great job!

Lisa M. said...

I've had people say things too. About my son and also they have asked me if I am hurting him. Because he screams and cries when we are outside of the home (although he is getting a bit better about that now)

I'm glad you found a way to get the meds. I hate insurance woes! UGG.

Good luck to you-